Fedora
by Wilddog14
Summary: From fedoras and star wars, to Indiana Jones and skiing Nazis. If you like randomness you'll probably like this.
1. Chase

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS or anything else that happens to turn up in this story.**

"Hey you! You are violating rule number 72100, subscription 22B paragraph 12,roman numeral 2, ahem, anyone caught smuggling red-handed is to go directly to Kessel."

"Wha…what, but sir I was just…"

"Save it, now I gotta take you to Kessel."

"But…"

"I'm sorry kid, that's the rule no exceptions, unless of course you're willing to give up your hat."

"My fedora, NEVER!" throws random shoe and takes off

"HEY! System we need backup, got a scruffy lookin rogue, he wears a vest and a fedora, piloting a small carrier ship, possibly a smuggler.

The ship starts to gain speed as the biker tries to follow.

The ship is going so fast that the pilot doesn't have enough time to swerve around the black hole, and his ship gets pulled into it.

**I urge everyone to guess who the pilot was. Hehe, favorite character… **

**(short, I know)**


	2. Clones

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS or anything else that happens to turn up in this story.**

"Hey you! You are violating rule number 72100, subscription 22B paragraph 12,roman numeral 2, ahem, anyone caught smuggling red-handed is to go directly to Kessel."

"Wha…what, but sir I was just…"

"Save it, now I gotta take you to Kessel."

"But…"

"I'm sorry kid, that's the rule no exceptions, unless of course you're willing to give up your hat."

"My fedora, NEVER!" throws random shoe and takes off

"HEY! System we need backup, got a scruffy lookin rogue, he wears a vest and a fedora, piloting a small carrier ship, possibly a smuggler.

The ship starts to gain speed as the biker tries to follow.

The ship is going so fast that the pilot doesn't have enough time to swerve around the black hole, and his ship gets pulled into it.

**I urge everyone to guess who the pilot was. Hehe, favorite character… **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is recognizable! **

Han was traveling at light speed and nearly crashed into a planet. He got out of his ship and started to explore. He saw a man in a vest and an old man running away from people in blue uniforms.

"Zuruckgekommen und ich gebe Ihnen einen schmerzlosen Tod!" (1)

Han ran into him and they fell in a heap on the ground.

"Ackh, dort sind zwei von Ihnen?"(2) "Have you been using our cloning machine that is NOT hidden in the secret base-like area we use to plot against you."

"No, of course not."

"Besides cloning machines don't work like that, the clone would be much younger, than me." (That was Han by the way)

"I didn't ask you dummer sonderling"(3)

Sallah began randomly talking to Indy about something or other.

Just then a vortex appeared in the sky and Gimli and Legolas crash down into a heap, well at least Gimli does. Legolas somehow managed to avoid it though. Just when everyone thought it couldn't get any weirder Will Turner showed up.

"Has anybody seen Elizabeth?" He said in a British accent. He wandered about until the Nazi started shouting curses in German.

"Junior."

"It's Indiana, and what?"

"That man looks almost exactly like you, especially with that hat on."

"Hey! That's my fedora! Where did you find it?"

"On another planet."

"What, no, that's impossible…I haven't even been up in space yet!"

Gimli and Sallah were staring each other down, when Gollum pops up and hisses at them then crawls back into an underground cave, where they all follow him down (except for the Nazis) into the darkness.

Sallah lights a torch and lets it drop. It falls a great distance then lights up what appears to be a shrine.

They all climb down a random rope that falls from the sky and hangs in midair. Indy goes up to the shrine and realizes it's a shrine to yet another of his look alikes, and a great deal of other people. (Harrison Ford is his look alike if you didn't get it already) There is a picture, and at the bottom of the frame was ROGUES; the bottom of another says WRAITHS.

Zombies surround them and as they close in the floor beneath them crumbles and they fall into a labyrinth. An old man sees them and they ask him where they are.

"You are in a labyrinth."

"Could you be a little more specific?"

"I have been here for an eternity."

"Then why are you still alive?"

"This labyrinth prevents you from dying of age or starvation, the only way to die is to get killed."

"And that's good why exactly?"

"You'll need to avoid the many dangers of this labyrinth to get out alive." There is a manic laughter and the man gets eaten by a wall shadow. (Green, hideous thing with fangs and long claws that comes and travels through the maze walls).

They all make their way carefully through the maze. Will Turner is the first to go; he gets a surprise as the floor starts to rumble and breaks up under him. He falls into a pit that turns out to be a giant worm with teeth.

The walls begin to move and vines crept out and coil around Sallah's legs and drag him off to somewhere unknown.

Indiana is too busy to notice that two people just got eaten by things.

They manage to find the exit and gratefully enter a cold, snowy region; Indy and his father recognize it as the Alps.

Everyone is suddenly wearing ski's, Gimli keeps falling down and slides down the mountain on his ski's like a sled.

The German Nazis come back. They come down the mountain on snowboards and start chasing the others, especially the Jones'.

(Then the author pops up and says "This story isn't making any sense so I'm going to make it make sense." The characters all acquire parachutes. "There, wait, that still doesn't make any sense." The author's friend Solobychoice pops up and says "I'll show you how to make your story make sense. This is how you make it make sense." Steals Indy's hat, turns off the lights, and runs. "I don't think that helped much," Indy states as his favorite hat is stolen. Author gives him a new hat. Okay then, back to the original idea of making stuff up as we go along.)

Solobychoice also helped to inspire some of these events, so

May The Force Be With You Always.

(1)Come back here and I'll give you a painless death.

(2)Ackh, there are two of you?

(3)Stupid queer.


	3. Water Balloons

**Warning: This chapter has no more plot than the last one and is complete and utter nonsense, which just happens to go along with the last chapter. **

**Oh and by the way if you're not going to take 2 seconds of your life to actually review and tell me what you think, then you shouldn't bother reading this.**

**Oh and if you do not like randomness than I must ask, Why are you even reading this? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, LotR, 6 Days 7Nights, Indiana Jones, Redwall, Solobychoice,Emoryhotti1, anything or anyone else that comes up in this.**

They somehow end up skiing down the mountain and at the bottom is Boba Fett. He takes out a long rope made of twizzlers and chases after Han. Han runs into Hitler carrying a book with him. He stares up at the creepy looking guy; Hitler looks at him, takes the book, autographs it, and gives it back.

Han just stares as Boba Fett comes up from behind him and tackles him to the ground. The next minute it starts to rain, and not just any kind of rain. It is raining needles.

"It's a sign of the Apocalypse!" some random person shouts.

Everyone ducks into a cave. The raining of needles stops and everyone walks out to see a new landscape. It is spring and warm. There is a forest next to the cave where someone claims they see a flash of black move.

Sharp ninja throwing stars shoot out at them all as they head behind some trees. They are surrounded by ninjas hurling weapons at them. Finally Han and Indy decide to do something and Han shoots some with his blaster, and Indy swings up on his whip and knocks the rest out.

They go in search of food and water. Han finds a wedge of moldy cheese growing (yes, growing) next to a stream filled with piranhas. Indy and his father are near the stream and find some giant vermin sitting around a fire. They cautiously avoid them. Gimli and Legolas find what looks like a person in an orange flight suit. Boba Fett finds poisonous mushrooms he plans on giving to Han. They all meet on the bank of the stream. Gimli and Legolas bring the person with them. Suddenly a crazed fan girl (who looks suspiciously like Solobychoice) runs up to the man in the orange flight suit, shouts WEDGE and jumps on him. Taken by surprise he leaps back into a tree.

Legolas suddenly loses his balance and falls into the stream. No one really cares though (sorry Legolas fans, he may come back though). Gimli is eating the mushrooms that Boba Fett had picked.

"Nooooooo, you fool! Those were meant for Solo!" He screams.

Gimli suddenly turns into Luke.

He eats some more and Luke turns into a cat.

Luke the cat suddenly leaps up on Boba Fett and eats his twizzler whip.

"Stupid cat!" Boba Fett attempts to shoot him with his blaster, but Han wrestles him to the ground. Boba Fett is tossed into the stream.

Floating down the stream is a raft being piloted by otters, and a couple of squirrels. They tell the group of travelers to hop on and they would be taken somewhere downstream. They set eyes upon a huge ship and are told that they could go with the talking animals. They set sail into the setting sun.

They near an island about a few hours later. They reach the island in time to see a girl and a guy being chased by pirates with shotguns. No one sees them, but Han and Indiana immediately go off with the otters backing them up. They stay on the beach when they see the pirates coming back and when they are seen they chase them off with their awesomeness.

The otters find Quinn and Robin and help them ashore, where they leave them to whatever.

They travel deeper into the island forests and find a gorge. There is no bridge so they decide to make a rope out of vines. Once over the gorge, they find a building that looks a lot like Loamhedge.

They search through it, and then go into a room, that suddenly turns into LTHS (just a high school). Suddenly they were in a small hallway next to the archery courtyard. There were two pillars that went up to the ceiling and a few benches. Water balloons start raining from the ceiling. Emoryhotti1 had gone through a secret passage (in the pillars that go up to the ceiling) and hid in the ceiling and was now throwing water balloons at them all. Solobychoice is with them now using unfortunate Wedge as a shield. An elevator appears in the pillar (it is only four feet high and not much wider). Emory is in it and everyone else piles into the elevator. They are wondering why there is now only a down button and decide to explore downstairs out of curiosity. It takes them to the underworld, where they see Cerberus.

Han, Indy and his father, 2 otters and 2 squirrels, Wedge, Solobychoice, Emoryhotti1, Luke/cat, (and I think that was all of them) are all captured by demons. They take the group to the leader of the underworld; everyone is looking at the chair in terror, except for a few. The chair turns and it turns out the ruler of the underworld is…


End file.
